Today's guest, Author and Speaker, Amy Daughters spent 18 months writing 580 handwritten letters to friends on Facebook. Join us to hear how that came about, what it taught her, and why she can't stop talking about it!
In this episode, Award-Winning Author and Keynote Speaker, Amy Weinland Daughters shares her Facebook Letter Writing Project–where she spent 18 months writing 580 handwritten letters to friends online.
We dive into how that came about, what it taught her, and why she can’t stop talking about it!
Tune in and learn how to use this simple but impactful tool to cultivate relationships in your life – at home, at work, and beyond. Because connection matters (now maybe more than ever).
"I unleashed a power I didn’t know I had, the power we all have for 10-15 minutes and 73 cents, to unleash so much good."
Amy is a fun and interesting guest and our conversation was a breath of fresh air. If that sounds like something you’re into, I hope you’ll join us for more on the art and importance of letter writing in 2025.
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Amy Weinland Daughters, Award-Winning Author and Keynote Speaker, believes in a world where what makes us different is the very thing that connects us, instead of separates us.
Learn more about Amy and her Facebook Letter Writing Project (in her book, Dear Dana) at amydaughters.com.
You can also connect with her on social...
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/smokinhotamys
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amyweinlanddaughtersauthor
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amy-w-daughters-16352a227
X: https://twitter.com/DaughtersAmy
[00:00:00] Céline Williams: I'm Céline Williams and welcome to the Leading Through Crisis podcast, a conversation series exploring resiliency and leadership in challenging times. My guest today is Amy Wineland Daughters, who is an award winning author and keynote speaker, and who believes in a world where what makes us different is the very thing that connects us instead of separates us.
Welcome, Amy.
[00:00:22] Amy Daughters: Thank you so much for having me on, Céline. I'm excited.
[00:00:25] Céline Williams: As am I. I know from our, uh, chat pre recording, which is the secret chat that always happens, that this is going to be a super interesting conversation. I'm, uh, so I'm really, uh, excited and anxious to get into it. But before we do that, I always start with a question.
When you hear the name of the podcast, Leading Through Crisis, what does that mean for you or what comes up for you?
[00:00:48] Amy Daughters: I immediately thought about how, you know, crisis is literally all around us. It's almost like a constant state, you know, and I think that has to do with maybe the new [00:01:00] cycle how we're bombarded with a new emergency every day.
And I think that that carries over to our workplace, you know, to a home life like, oh my gosh, what are we going to have to. Deal with now. And I, so I think that's what's so well suited about your podcast is I think it's applicable to everyone at every level of life. And I know for me, the story that connects me to you, um, actually gave me a tool to handle that, that I'd never expected.
[00:01:28] Céline Williams: Tell me more about that.
[00:01:30] Amy Daughters: Well, you know, I was minding my own business when this whole story took place. I'm a writer. I'm a freelance writer. I had written one book and I was doing what everyone else does, Céline. I was hanging out on Facebook, you know, checking people out, you know, and I'm not afraid to say it now.
[00:01:45] Céline Williams: Yep, lurking. We're lurkers.
[00:01:48] Amy Daughters: Right, and I had met this girl in like 1986 at a summer camp and we spent
[00:01:53] Céline Williams: When you were just a baby.
[00:01:54] Amy Daughters: Yeah, just a youngster, and uh, we probably spent six weeks together, that was it. [00:02:00] And, but she had a huge personality like I do, like we were loud, we thought we were hilarious, and so her name, her name was Dana, she always resonated with me.
But literally after that six weeks, we had no contact, no You know, no electronic. We hadn't been on Facebook like we completely lost track of each other, which is more common, you know, in the 80s, and it would be now for sure, but literally not a word exchange between the two of us. But I always thought about her always had her head.
I mean, her name in my head. So that one day I was sitting down and this was probably. I don't know, eight or nine years ago. I sat down, I typed in her name on Facebook, and voila! There she was. I'd found her. And, uh, so I did what anybody else does, because it doesn't mean anything. I friended her, hoping that she remembered who I was.
There was no commitment on my part or hers. She accepted my request, so I was like, oh. She probably remembers me maybe who knows we had no mutual friends, which was weird because the camp life usually everyone knows somebody who dated somebody and it's like a love triangle on Facebook, but yes, not so much with Dana and I so right away I go and look at her [00:03:00] profile the complimentary 15 minute stock, you know, and I realized that she has overachieved and children, this woman has five kids.
So, And she has four girls and the youngest kid is the only son and his name is Parker. And right away I figure out this kid's got cancer. And so as a human being, you know, as a mom, as just a person, I was like, Oh my God, this is bad. And she's very open and, and honest, which is not surprising based on our personality from the 80s.
Uh, but, but the, the cancer is serious enough where he's at the St. Jude Children's Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, you know, which is a world renowned, but if it's, if it's that bad, then it's probably really bad. I mean, if he's there. And so immediately I get kind of drawn in. I kind of felt like I was overfeeling it.
And I like to tell the story like a different levels of me behaving irrationally. So
So at first
[00:03:50] Céline Williams: I love the honesty that you're like, right, who's going to own this one?
[00:03:53] Amy Daughters: Right. I got like, I was like, Ooh. And so I started checking her profile to see how he was doing. And again, I kind of knew I [00:04:00] was overfeeling it, but I felt so connected to the story.
So I started following along. And then, you know, there was some tough posts, and then he goes into remission, and they go back home, and they're from Louisiana. I'm not really sure where in Louisiana, because, you know, again, that's not pertinent. This is Facebook. And so they go back to Louisiana. I kind of feel relieved.
She'd asked for people to pray, so I, I did that, and I followed along with the story. And I still kind of went back on the back burner. He went back to school. I was like, that's great. But she continued to post. So I looked, but it wasn't as overfeeling as I'd felt. And then towards the end of 2014, she posted and said, you know, Something's not right.
And I was like, Ooh, so I kind of pinged back into the, you know, following along with what she was doing. And they were on their way back to Memphis. And then all of a sudden the cancer was back, you know, and it didn't seem good. So I'm, I'm at the time I was writing about American college football and I had this schedule, like Monday for Tuesday, Wednesday for Thursday. Thursday for Friday. So I sat down at my desk that Monday morning and I was like, it was like a bolt of lightning hit me. Like, you know how you get like a true [00:05:00] inspiration where you can just feel it like electricity. And the only question is, this is really ridiculous. So will I do something about it or not?
And that's really one of the great parts of the story, is I went ahead and followed through on this. It really was like a bolt of lightning. I was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be crazy, and I'm going to start writing them little notes and cards, and sending them to the Ronald McDonald house in Memphis.
I had not written anyone a letter in like 30 years. I was not a letter writer. I mean, I'd done it when I was younger, because that's what we did in the 70s and 80s. I had not spoken to this girl. And also, Céline, I had not liked or commented on any of her posts. Like, I was really out there in the shadowy, you know, internet.
[00:05:41] Céline Williams: True lurking. Yeah, true yeah, true lurking.
[00:05:44] Amy Daughters: So I lurked my way right into the post office. So, and I was so invested that I actually did it. So I started writing. Dana and Parker once a week and it was just enough like stuff you'd write, you know, I'm thinking about you I'm praying for you keep fighting Parker, you know, and I'm [00:06:00] silly and not very confident So I'd be like, you know, I hope you remember me If you don't i'm still as hot and skinny as you thought I was and blah blah blah So I just add in some stuff some tomfoolery to keep it going and then as the weeks passed I started writing more about my life because I had to write something So I continue to write these letters for probably 8 to 10 weeks.
And then as the year passed into 2015, I could tell from her posts, and then she stopped posting, her friends posted, that it wasn't, it wasn't going well. And so, at the beginning of 2015, I come home one Sunday, and there's this long post from Dana, and Parker has passed away. He's 15 years old and I mean, total devastation.
There's no words for it. It has nothing to do with me clearly. And, but I, I was just like, what do I do? And I cried. I never cried. My family was like, what is going on? I was like, it's overfeeling. I know it is. But once I'd written those. Notes, I felt more invested than I had to start with. So I write a condolence card and I sit back at my desk the next Monday and I'm like, So what do I do now?
And I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? [00:07:00] I'm just gonna keep writing her the letters. Only now I take it next level. And I knew her husband was an attorney because I had met him the summer before I had met her. And so I just start sending this girl letters at her husband's office in Louisiana. Yeah, why not?
Because I'm crazy. That makes, it's bananagrams, I'm stupid, you know. So I start writing her every week. And I, I, I realize it's, again, it makes no sense. This, this person has lost her son. I mean, the most devastating thing you could think of. And I'm writing her letters and telling her I'm thinking about her.
And then I just started to write longer. Like, here's what my life's about. Here's what I do. Here's where my kids are. Here's where I live. Here's my life experience. I just keep writing every week. And every week I'm like, Oh my God, you're ridiculous. This is dumb. Why are you doing it? But I couldn't stop myself.
I just kept writing. So every week I wrote her. So about five months later, it's my birthday. I go out to my mailbox. We're living in Ohio at the time. And I was like, maybe I'll get a card from somebody. Of course, I'm not going to get a card. This is like 2016. So I pull out the stack of letters and there is a 10 page handwritten [00:08:00] letter from Dana.
She wrote me back. And this kicks off, Céline, two years of us just pen palling. Like we didn't. Email. We didn't text. We didn't even I don't think we even did anything on Facebook, but it created this incredible intimacy between the two of us. And one of the most powerful things was she I didn't know when she read my stuff.
She had no idea if or when I read her stuff. So we had this free space to say what She talked about her grief. I had no idea what to say about her grief. So I didn't, I just said, I'm thinking about you. That sucks. This is horrible. I didn't, I didn't try to comment on it, nor did I feel like I had to. But the best part was, I had no idea what she believed in, like what her religious beliefs were, like how she voted, what her socioeconomic level was.
I had no idea about her. Her opinion on gender studies. I mean, I had no idea about any of that, but we cared about each other and trusted each other almost stupidly just. Just with this exchange of words, she would say to me, and I would say to her, well, I've never told me by this, but I know I [00:09:00] can trust you.
Okay. That's, that's, that's a good deal. So I'm about eight months into writing her. I'm like, this has changed the way I look at everything. I mean, you know, and just having this exchange, this, this, this person's like my closest friend, even though I don't even really know her. So I sat back and I said, you know, if I can achieve this kind of me, you know, meaningfulness with this one person, what about the other 600 friends on Facebook?
What's out there? What other untapped goodness is out there? You know, what kind of experience could I have? And I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go all world, banana nuts, and I'm going to write everyone a letter. And so, I got stationery, I got a journal, I put everyone's name in an Excel spreadsheet, I downloaded it, I printed it out, I shoved them in a box, and I sat down, and I started the most incredible journey of my life.
And I spent 18 months writing 580 handwritten letters, blew my life up to the point that I cannot shut up about it.[00:10:00]
[00:10:01] Céline Williams: That sounds incredible. And you shouldn't shut up about it. Let's be real, like, that is a fascinating, unique accomplishment. And I mean, you know this better than anyone, I'm sure at this point, having sent 580 handwritten letters. It's so rare to get a letter, period, let alone a handwritten letter.
[00:10:26] Amy Daughters: Right. You know? And that, and that's what I unleashed a power that I didn't know I had. I unleashed a power that I didn't know we had. And it has nothing to do with me being a writer or a crazy person. You know, cause the one thing about my story, it's overwhelming. That's, that's not what this is about. This is not about encouraging people to go handwrite 580 letters.
But this, this power we have for, 10 or 15 minutes of your time. And the, you know, 73 cents, I think is now the United States postage rate. I don't know what it is in Canada, but for those small [00:11:00] investments, we have the power in any arena where there's a relationship, whether it's In the workplace, whether it's in your personal life, this is applicable anywhere there's a human relationship.
We have the power to unleash so much good and so much goodwill and so much, you know, kindred goodness. We have no idea the power we have in our own hands to do this.
[00:11:23] Céline Williams: Yeah. I, it's actually fascinating that how out of fashion, quote, writing handwritten letters has become. And how impactful they still are. It's, it's, it doesn't seem to make sense in that sense. You know, like usually when something is that impactful, it gets more popular or continues to be pop or what, and it just really hasn't.
And yet, I am not a small child [00:12:00] at this point in my life. And when I get a card or a letter in my mailbox as a full grown adult, not a child, I am like, yes, I got some like every single time, right?
[00:12:15] Amy Daughters: And it's because one, it's because it is so rare, I believe, because when I started out on this little journey, like past.
Dana on the big letter writing project. I just didn't know I wasn't trying to go on some meaningful journey I I did not understand but i'll tell you what happens and This is what happens to you when you go to your mailbox and have that moment because I experienced this Yeah with other people that you know through their experience and then in getting stuff back from people When you get that out of a mailbox you create this magical moment for someone and it's, it's not just what the card says.
I mean, or the note says, cause that, that takes it to the next level, but just the act of pulling it out of the mailbox. There's immediately this click, click, click. Like, let's say you send me a note after this. Oh, let's [00:13:00] say we went to high school together and you send me a note. And just to say you were thinking about me or you appreciate something I did or a letter.
Like I wrote a Facebook letter and I can tell you. What those had in them, but immediately I'm going to hold this in my hand and I'm going to realize, click, click, click, click, click. Here's what it took Céline to do this. Céline had to sit down somewhere in her house. She had to find an envelope and a card or a note or whatever medium you use.
You had to find a pen and then your hand was going to hurt if you wrote more than one sentence, because we don't do that anymore. And there was Céline's handwriting, which I haven't seen or have I ever seen, you know, and then she had to seal it up. She had to find my address, she had to make the effort to get a stamp, and then Céline had to go drive around Toronto and look for some box to drop it in, or a post office.
And then I'm gonna make, I'm gonna make all those connections, here's all the effort it took, and that's how much Céline, that's how much I matter to Céline. That's how much, that's how I'm, that's how much I'm valued by another human being by an organization [00:14:00] in a relationship. That's how much I'm valued.
And I'll tell you what, it's gonna blow people's socks off. I had no idea. And I know because the responses I got back, people were, the number one response I got from the 580 letters was, I'm gonna save your letter in a special place for the rest of my life.
[00:14:19] Céline Williams: Wow, Amy, that's Actually, like genuinely surprising in a wonderful way.
[00:14:27] Amy Daughters: Right. For me too. I had no idea. I mean, I was just another skinny hot girl trying to keep it together down here, you know, and, and over and over and over again. And I believe the universe gave me the story to tell because it is applicable literally everywhere where there's a relationship that needs to be, you know, facilitated or cultivated or whatever great word we want to use, you know, it can be used.
[00:14:52] Céline Williams: Yeah. Okay. I have many questions and I'm going to add a comment, but I'm going to start with this. [00:15:00] In First and Foremost, what did you write about to 580 people?
[00:15:05] Amy Daughters: It's such a great question, because I, I, you know, again, I didn't intend on going on some meaningful journey, and I didn't have a blueprint going into this.
But, but, you know, my, one of my rules, I had these rules at the beginning, and it started with the Facebook letter project, quite possibly the stupidest thing I ever came up with, and I signed my name, as if it was an official document, you know, from the founding fathers. So when I sat down to write, I was like, okay, so what do I do?
Like letter number one, this was a girl, another girl I went to camp with. And so the first thing I did in every letter was I was like, here's what I'm doing. Here's why I'm doing it. Here's about Dana and Parker. But then I was like, okay, so what do I say beyond that? So I did what anyone would naturally do.
I went not because I'm a great person. I went to their Facebook profile and looked at it. And like did a deeper dive, more of the lurking that you aforementioned were lurking. So, and in doing that over and over again, I was like, Oh my God, these people are a bunch of badasses. You know, I realized I was connected not to this 580 random people, but Oh my gosh, there [00:16:00] was missionaries and school teachers and educators and you know, there was stay at home parents and doctors and you know, coaches like you and business people and like people who had done amazing things. So the first thing I could comment on was any kind of connecting point between the two of us. Like, you know, oh, or I could say, Hey Céline, look what you've done?
Oh my God, you're a badass. Look what you've done with your coaching. I went and listened to your podcast. I didn't even know you had a podcast because before I just saw you on my newsfeed. So the first thing I was gonna say to you was like. Oh, my God, I can't believe that my friend has done all these great things, or I could say, I didn't know you were struggling with this health issue. Or I didn't know you're so and such a passed away. And I had a chance and I realized over and over again, it doesn't matter. It was never too late to say that I cared about something that was genuinely going on in someone's life. And the second part was even better because the second thing I just naturally did.
Again, I'm not a great person. This was just a human reaction to having to fill two pages. I was like, ah, Céline. So how does she fit into my, [00:17:00] like, what it, what was our interaction like? Cause that would be the natural thing. Cause you think back and think of memories and I'd be like, Oh yeah, I remember what she did when we were in high school.
We stood next to the pay phone when that guy broke up with me. And she got right up on my face and she was like doing her coaching thing and didn't even know she was doing it. She was like, listen, Amy Wineland, this is not going to define your relationship life. This is going to get so much better. This is just going to give you something to compare to that you're not going to do in the future.
And so you know what I get to do in the second part of the letter? I'm like, thank you because I, I just realized what you did in my life. And then, so my gratitude meter went off the charts because I was like, Oh my God, I'm related to all these rock stars and they all showed up at the right time, you know?
And so over and over again, it put my entire life in perspective. And, and so that's what I, that's what I wrote in the letters and they became meaningful without meaning to.
[00:17:55] Céline Williams: Um, it's the best way of becoming meaningful, right? Unintentionally organic. [00:18:00] Yeah. Um, okay, this is a very, how did, how did you find where to mail these letters, Amy?
[00:18:08] Amy Daughters: Great question. I'm a numbers girl. So I had access to probably 37 percent of the addresses like calling my mom.
[00:18:16] Céline Williams: That's very precise. 37%. I'm just going to note that is a very precise number. Go ahead.
[00:18:22] Amy Daughters: I'm a numbers girl, you know, and so I, uh, I kept numbers up the whole thing. I have an infographic, but the, uh, You know, so like, let's say I was looking for your address, and my sister was BFFs with your sister, or our moms had kept in touch, or like your neighbor is friends with my mom, so that was, that was easy, or I had your address from a Christmas card list, you know, or I knew your parents address, and I could just send it there, or, so next level is, let's say you did something, your employment was like a public situation, and the easiest example of that is a school teacher, yes, and really I've had a lot of people comment on whether they would want to receive a letter at work, but it's not intrusive.
The whole letter running thing is not [00:19:00] intrusive because no one's asking you to apply. No one even knows if you got it. And that's the other part about it. That's beautiful. It's so intimate. But at the same time, no, I'm not walking into your workplace, you know, and saying, let's give me a big hug right now.
Do you remember me from the pay phone? It's not that either. And so that would be the next level. But my last case, resort was I would Facebook message the person and that was almost more awkward than writing a letter coming like, oh, I'm not, I don't want you to join my this is not a chain letter. I don't want you to join my cookie exchange or book exchange.
But can I have your address at the beginning? I really had to, you know, I had to not talk people into it, but it really explained what I was doing. But by the end, whenever I knew the letters were coming, because this was a random draw, they were like, Oh, they were sending me their address before I even wrote the letter.
[00:19:41] Céline Williams: That's cute. That is cute. Do you, do you know how many people, like, what percentage of people responded to you? Not that it matters, I'm just curious how many people actually took the time to respond.
[00:19:53] Amy Daughters: 76 percent. Okay. And most of those were in writing, probably 55 percent. Yeah. And, but, but I counted [00:20:00] responses, like, let's say we saw each other, At like we went to the same tennis place or whatever that counted like, you know, that was that was always the most awkward for me personally, but whether you Facebook message or email or handwritten letter or phone call, you know that that all counted into that number, but I also found out from the 24 percent that didn't respond.
I like to think of those people as the people, maybe like me, who aren't responders. I am now but I'm just saying there's so many people who and I had a couple people tell me look that letter was so Meaningful to me. I didn't even know how to respond. You know, when the book came out, they're like, I never responded.
I'm like, you're fine, you know, because those people were all wired so differently. That didn't mean the letter didn't mean anything to them. It just meant they didn't know how to respond or they couldn't respond. And it made me realize that we don't have to get a response to know we've made a difference.
And that was one of the biggest lessons for me.
[00:20:49] Céline Williams: Yes. So I, I love that. And I love that point. And it's kind of, it's part of why I was asking was I assumed that [00:21:00] you did get responses of some sort from over half of the people, which thankfully turned out to be true. Good assumption. Um, and I'm surprised that it's as high as 76%.
I think it's great that it is, but simply because people who are neurodivergent, if they have ADHD or they are, they may be overwhelmed with the, the, what to say and not get started, right? There's just neurodivergence period is enough of, you know, was going to drop that number because people aren't sure what to say or how to say it.
Let alone someone who is busy or caretaking or very introverted or, you know, whatever other thousand reasons that it could have been. And so I, I, I. Acknowledging that that was not the most important thing and it's not the most important aspect is important and also it's I think it's phenomenal you had that kind of response.
[00:21:56] Amy Daughters: Right. And I think it lends, I mean it really what it tells it [00:22:00] illustrates how meaningful a handwritten note or card or letter can be and it doesn't have to be two pages that's the thing. But some people, I had so many people responded like a year later, and so many people said I can't believe it took me this long, but they felt so compelled.
Like let, they left it sitting on their desk so they remember to do it. It is a, it is absolutely a credit to the power of a handwritten note as opposed to my personal words. I mean, I, I will, they were meaningful. I'm sure they were, but it goes back to the power we all have in our hands to do this, you know?
[00:22:33] Céline Williams: Absolutely. I mean, you mentioned this in terms of like, you know, it doesn't have to be a personal organization. There's all this power. And we were saying before we hit record, I was saying that, you know, one of the clients that I have, they, it's the only client I've ever had where consistently I get handwritten notes from people, from leaders, from people who attend workshops.
They'll, I get cards, it's usually a card, mailed to me. And [00:23:00] interestingly enough, this company provides cards, branded cards, for people who want to write notes to each other. And they encourage that as much as, it's not mandated, it's not like you have to, but they're like, here are cards if you want to write a note to an employee to say thank you to another leader to, so I have received cards from them and every single time I am blown away by how I feel when I get that card because it's, it does there is something to your point about you taking the time to write that out as opposed to on your, you know, iPhone being like, hey, thanks for the workshop or really great to see or whatever the, whatever the thing is there's and these are thank you cards.
It's about gratitude, but falls in the same category. There's something about that handwritten card that every time I am like, this is such a great thing. And I will say, I send more cards now as a result. As someone who, as a child, also 70s, 80s, [00:24:00] very vehemently was opposed to ever writing a thank you card for anything ever.
Period. Full stop.
[00:24:08] Amy Daughters: Right. The forced thank you card. That might be something I need to speak about. Like, the thing that's holding us all back. Our mother's forcing us to write thank you notes in 1979.
[00:24:19] Céline Williams: There is something to it because I was like, I, I, it was, I hated doing it at the time. Also as a child. Like, Let's be real for a second.
Not the point of this conversation, but it was always like thank you for the socks you gave me at Christmas. I am going to wear them every day. I love them. They're perfect a like you have no you're saying just inane things right as a kid, right?
[00:24:39] Amy Daughters: And everybody reads it knows it too, you know, but thinks it's cute
[00:24:42] Céline Williams: Yes, it's so hated it avoided it for years and it was when I started receiving these that I was like, oh I'm going to start doing that.
I'm going to start sending, I probably don't do it enough for my, but it has made me aware of sending thank you cards and send, [00:25:00] and that's just a thank you card, let alone an actual note with more interesting, more connected, more personal information in it.
[00:25:08] Amy Daughters: Right. And that's what, you know, we talk about employee engagement, you know, and how it's at an all time low or a decade long low.
You know, this is a simple item to put in your toolbox. It is not the only item in your toolbox, but you talk about retention rates, you know, and I've spoken to so many people, you know, just it's, it's the same concept like, and it's, it's pivoting it in a way like, you know, if your employee or coworker or customer or, you know, like you said, someone who's contributed to your organization.
A lot of times we know if they've lost somebody, if they've won something, if they need to be thanked, if they need to be recognized. If you write that down in four sentences and send it to them in some way, or give it to them, they will save that. This is a tool that works and it is simple and it is quick.
And I talk to real estate groups all the time and they use it [00:26:00] for, um, referrals. Yeah. They write handwritten notes. This one organization has Notevember where they all write notes in November, one note every single day. And it is so. Impactful in an organization and you can go sideways, up, down, however you wanna do it.
But in terms, in terms of employee engagement, this is very powerful because we see the people around us, but when they feel seen in writing in something you've either given 'em or sent through in our office mail or mail it to their house 'cause you have their address in the in the file, they are going to be blown away and they are going to, and that that employer or the manager and employee relationship, which is kind of the foundation of relationships, you know, within an organization that can be so enhanced, you know, you don't have to overdo it. I mean, you just can keep a list and just write somebody a note every other day or every day, whatever's manageable for you.
Yeah. So powerful.
[00:26:52] Céline Williams: It's and it's simple. We can all do it. It's not the barrier to entry is minimal. And I think [00:27:00] when we think about employee retention, especially when we look at an organization, so many of the tactics, tips, strategies, whatever you want to call them that are suggested there. There, there are real barriers to entry, whether it is financial, whether it is access, whether it like whatever it is, right.
Oh, work, whatever the barriers are, there are real barriers in many of those circumstances, right. And there's virtually no barrier to entry for this one.
[00:27:31] Amy Daughters: Right, and it's, it's so sincere, and you know, I encourage people all the time, they're like, my handwriting's bad, I'm not good at expressing myself.
Really, that's better, because they will get that in the card. Like, you're being so sincere that you're allowing them to see. I hate your handwriting. And if you cross stuff out, that's great. Because in the world of AI, we become further isolated. And of course, it's a, it's a wonderful tool. It's an incredible tool, but it isolates us even further.
You know, this is an act [00:28:00] of sincerity. And the other part of it is as human beings in the workplace, we're still human beings, you know, you are going to feel better. About yourself from doing it. I understand that is not the goal of employee retention, but you're going to be a better manager and you're going to feel better about yourself.
Every day you do it, you're going to be reminded that you could make a difference for somebody else. And when you start watching the impact that it has, because people are going to hang the card up in their cubicle, or they're going to set it out for people to see. It's going to be like a badge of honor.
And it's way better than a lot of other, like you said, a lot of things that are less easy to access. This is going to be more meaningful than a lot of things you could spend a lot more money on. And I know that from seeing it work. And I, and your story is an absolute testament to that.
[00:28:45] Céline Williams: Well, and it's funny because the fact that it makes us feel good as the letter writer, card writer, while not the point is also a really positive thing. It's this, it's the same thing that happens when we, when we, you know, volunteer give to [00:29:00] charity, it's not about us feeling good, right? But the, the us feeling good is a really positive thing. That's going to have us do it again. So there's no negative in that might not be the point, but like, it's okay to be like, I feel really good about writing this letter to so and so and I'm glad I did it.
And I'm proud of or whatever. Great. Right. Embrace that.
[00:29:23] Amy Daughters: When you make somebody else feel good about themselves is nothing going to make you feel better. I tell people all the time, who's the person who's most changed from all this nonsense of letter writing that I've, you know, all this stuff. I'm the one who's the most changed.
I'm absolutely the one who is the most completely, like, off the charts, a different person because of this, you know?
[00:29:44] Céline Williams: So can I ask you a question?
[00:29:46] Amy Daughters: Absolutely.
[00:29:47] Céline Williams: What, how, how have you changed? Like, if you had to say, here's a couple of things that are very clear to me. Uh, in how I have changed or how this has impacted me, Amy, as a [00:30:00] person, what are some of those things?
[00:30:03] Amy Daughters: You know, I think one of the biggest things is, you know, I refuse to believe that there is anything big enough to separate us from another person, you know, whether it work or an old friend or a family member, because one of the biggest takeaways from writing his letters is, I realized that, you know, there's a lot of people I wrote to who I knew, I wrote a lot of letters during the first Trump campaign, the Trump Clinton election. And I, and I realized over and over again, like, let's say I knew, you know, I've, I know who you support, you know, who I support. It's just those, those things still matter. It just didn't matter as much anymore. When I focused on the individual connection I have with that person.
So I refuse to believe that there is any gap wide enough to separate two human beings that care about each other. And I look at people now, the whole time I was writing those letters I was saying what everybody else says about Facebook. I'm getting off Facebook. I'm getting off Facebook. I will never get off Facebook because those 580 people are my people.
Because I [00:31:00] had a meaningful interaction after Uh, first meaningful interaction of some kind. I had a second one and those are my people, you know, and I, and, and, and it made me look at everyone around me different because I realized over and over and over again that the profile was only the beginning of the story and that, and that seems so simple and almost you know, like stupid. But it is so true. The depth of a human experience is so profound, you know, that it's much bigger than what we see on the outside. And I think you could take that again. And in any human relationship in your life, whether you're writing a customer, you're going to look at them differently by by writing them a note or a letter, you know, and I will never look at people the same.
You know, I, I know that I don't know everything in looking at people and that, and that completely, you know, opens up your heart. And I, I don't want to have a side anymore. I don't want to side on any issue. I just, I just, I just want to meet people where they are. Cause that, I feel like that's what the letters did.
That was the best version of myself. [00:32:00] And I feel like that's how people meet me now after the letters. Yeah.
That's a lot. Sorry.
[00:32:05] Céline Williams: No, it's not. I asked the question. I think that's a great answer. And I think that being able to reflect on that and share that is very important and, um, profound for people listening or watching to, to hear it.
Because I think we often hear people say, you know, X, Y, Z changed me. I was changed after whatever it is. Right. And then they don't actually tell, they don't actually ever say what that was. Like, what was the impact? And I, it's important to speak those things.
[00:32:41] Amy Daughters: Right. Well, and I think I'm just so full of hope.
Even, you know, a couple years after the fact, I'm just filled with so much hope that I want to, that I want to share it, you know, that's, that's the thing is that I think the hope we're looking for Céline that we're at work at home, you know, on Facebook, wherever the hope or so desperately seeking [00:33:00] is probably the person sitting next to us at work.
I don't and I think that that's probably that that's the thing that it that this taught me, you know.
[00:33:09] Céline Williams: Yeah. Um, are you still writing letters in this way to your new 580 friends on Facebook?
[00:33:17] Amy Daughters: Uh, well I've got more friends now and I finally had to cut it off at the end because my like my I had this big callus on my finger and it bled and I was like okay I'm not accepting any more friendship requests because I know people at that point were like I want a letter but so what it's turned into now, um, is I keep, kind of what I'm talking about, and this is something that could be used in an organization, I just keep a notebook next to my computer, and when I see someone or hear of someone, it could be on Facebook or like in real life, and I, and I, you know, see that someone lost their mother, or I see that someone won a big award, or I see that someone's child got married, or, you know, blah, blah, blah, Whatever reason, I write it down in my book under a different tab.
And so every morning I get up and write one or two cards, and they're not long. And I just say, Hey, you won the award for this. [00:34:00] Congratulations. I'm proud of you. And I just keep a variety of cards next to my desk, or I'll say, you know, I'm so sorry. I'll wait till after two or three weeks. That's one thing I learned from Dana when the grief process is more lonely.
And I'll say, you know, I'm, I'm sorry that would happen. And those, those things just blow people away. They blow people away. And then it's my, I honor Parker and Dana every day by doing that. And it just, again, it reminds me and I do that with it, with my writing, with the books and with the speaking. I mean, it's an easy segue to do it, but I do it personally too, every single day.
And it makes me a better person. It makes me the best version of myself. And even if I'm. Total crap the whole rest of the day, you know, for those, for those 20 minutes, I'm the person I can be, you know, that we can all be.
[00:34:42] Céline Williams: Yeah. That's a, that's a really powerful thing to have discovered that that puts you in the mindset of your favorite version of yourself first thing in the morning.
[00:34:53] Amy Daughters: Right. And again, it's, there's no barriers to any of us doing this.
[00:34:57] Céline Williams: Yes. Well, besides our own [00:35:00] minds, which is the, always the thing to overcome, right?
[00:35:02] Amy Daughters: Well, and that's the other important point. I got up every day that I did the Facebook project, not as a girl in a white dress, swirling around on the wheat, thinking about how meaningful I was.
I got up, and my BFF at the time can tell you, and my journal is filled with, I cannot write another letter, this is dumb. Every day, and every day still, I have to force myself to do it. I'm like everyone else, I procrastinate, I'm like, Oh, I have stuff to do, I'm really busy today, I don't have time for this.
But if I make myself do it, I'm way better. So if you can get yourself past that blocking point where you tell yourself your handwriting's terrible, your spelling's awful, you're going to cross out stuff, I guarantee it's more meaningful that way. You will become a better version of yourself and your relationships, whether they're at work or personally or however you want to frame this, will be so enhanced you will not even believe it.
[00:35:50] Céline Williams: I bet. Um, I do want to ask a question about Dana. Are you still writing to Dana? Have you seen her? Where is that at [00:36:00] this point?
[00:36:00] Amy Daughters: Well, the great story is, Céline, that yes, I still write Dana probably, uh, it's probably down to every couple weeks. She writes me probably every couple months, but we talk on the phone every single morning.
She's my absolute best friend in the world. Uh, when I get off this call, I'm driving Louisiana and we're exchanging our Christmas gifts for our families. You know, she is, she is the best friend I've ever made. And if it'd be easy to look at our story and say, Oh my God, Amy, you did so much for Dana. That girl has showed up for me.
She is absolutely the best friend I've ever had in my life. And you know, I, she's like my sister. And so I, you know, don't know what I'd do without her
[00:36:39] Céline Williams: I love that. And thank you for sharing that. I wanted to I genuinely didn't just for anyone listening. I genuinely did not know how that story ended. So that was pure curiosity.
So thank you for sharing. That was, that was, I'm thrilled to hear that. I really, it almost makes me teary. Cause I'm like, that's the best way it could ever have ended right there. Right? Like [00:37:00] between the two of you, it's perfect.
[00:37:02] Amy Daughters: Yeah. And our families are friends. And I mean, it's, I'm friends with all the girls, you know, and uh, yeah, I don't, I just incredibly lucky to have a friend like that.
I mean, it's a once in a lifetime thing. So, yeah.
[00:37:13] Céline Williams: I love that. Um, before we wrap this up, I do want to ask a question of you and that is. And it's so funny because we spoke about gratitude and so many things during this conversation. But if you look back at the last year, what are you most proud of?
[00:37:33] Amy Daughters: Personally, I'm most proud of the fact that I've continued to write the notes and letters despite, you know, especially the ones that, you know, of course the ones having to do with my books and my writing and, you know, but especially the ones that I wrote to people who I felt like, Oh, like I saw someone's parent passed away and I hadn't talked to him in like 10 years and they weren't part of the letter writing project. And I made myself do it anyway, you know, and even if I didn't get a [00:38:00] response, because I think again, that goes back to being the best version of myself and I'm enough years on now, or I think I have an excuse to get out of it.
And, but that honoring that, I hope I can do that for the rest of my life. Um, just to honor the story and, you know, to walk the walk. So, yeah.
[00:38:17] Céline Williams: I mean, I'm proud of you for continuing to do it because it's, I think it's incredible. And I love this story so much and the impact. And it's such a, it is not often that I get to have a conversation with someone who has done something that is so simple.
And I mean that in the best possible way. I don't mean.
No, it is simple.
But it's so simple. And it's so impactful. And you have an incredible story around that. And I love hearing this because it's such an easy thing for people, anyone listening to this or watching this, can right now, in this [00:39:00] moment, start doing it.
They could write a note a week, a note a month, whatever, it is so simple and I love that because it's very rare, due to the complexity of the world today, it's very rare that we have something that is really that easy to implement, so I very much appreciate you sharing your story with me and with the audience and being as open as you have been.
It's really powerful. Thank you so much for that.
[00:39:28] Amy Daughters: Well, thank you for, you know, allowing me on and let me tell my story because, you know, of course, I'm really wants to sell books make speeches, but really what I want to do is I want to tell this story. And so I appreciate the you giving me the privilege of sharing with you and your audience.
So thank you.
[00:39:44] Céline Williams: It is absolutely my pleasure, and people can find out more about you on your website, which will be linked in the show notes but for anyone listening. Do you mind saying it out loud?
[00:39:54] Amy Daughters: Yeah, amydaughters. com, and that'll give you all the special information on Amy Daughters. I like to talk about [00:40:00] myself in the third person because that sounds weird, but also my mailing address is on there.
So if you write me a letter or a card or note, I will guaranteed 100 percent
write you back. And I look forward to it.
[00:40:09] Céline Williams: Perfect. And I will say, having looked at Amy's website, it's also very entertaining and worth a look because she's a very funny writer. So definitely check that out. Um, and thank you for your time today.
It's greatly appreciated, and I know this will have a huge impact on people.
[00:40:25] Amy Daughters: Thank you so much, Céline. It was a pleasure.
Thanks for joining me today on the Leading Through Crisis podcast. If you enjoyed this conversation, please take a minute to rate and review us on your podcast app. If you're interested in learning more about any of our guests, you can find us online at www. leadingthroughcrisis.ca.